The Little Things: Meaningless Holidays

BEFORE WE BEGIN: Last time, I mentioned that the next “Little Things” entry would have to do with the various TV entries I put on the list. That piece is officially going to be on the back-burner, partly because there’s a lot of deep-rooted information that I want to try my damnedest to get right before I dive in, so that episode is going to have to wait a little while. Besides, there are FAR more important things in the world aside from rambling about the bowels of television, Particularly…



HAPPY NATIONAL DONUT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111)!!)!001)!0!))!ZOMG!!!)!)!!



In case you live under a rock that doesn’t have a Wi-Fi connection, you will probably find out from some other 3rd party that today is the day we honor the Donut in a way that is often reserved for Kings & Presidents. Who doesn’t remember the year 1776 when The “Dunk-laration of Donut-pendence” (patent pending) was signed as a rider in the Constitution allowing for a chicken in every pot, and a Dunkin’ Donuts would sprout up on every street corner no matter how many of them already exist in the same town? And who doesn’t remember in 1865 when Abraham Lincoln signed the “Entemann-pation Proclamation” (again, patent pending) where ol’ honest Abe freed the donuts from the harsh conditions of the bakeries and helped them live their lives in freedom on supermarket shelves? And how about the seldom-known “V-K Treaty” at the end of World War II, where President Harry S. Truman proclaimed that “Krispy Kreme is a Donut Too!”


OK, NONE of what I said happened–obviously–but hopefully, you see where I’m going with this. The fact that they are treating an otherwise typical June day and a common every day thing with a kind of pomp and circumstance that’s better used toward actual June events that uses “Pomp & Circumstance” as the theme music for young kids getting their diplomas. To be fair, the origin of “National Donut Day” IS historical and bears a certain air of significance, and I kinda see why this would be such a thing to bow our heads down to…But My GOD, when people come up with a reason to celebrate anything else, the rest of them seem to come out of the woodwork. That said (and with the help of this John Oliver video I found–cued up for your convenience), let’s take a look at a handful of other “Holidays” that seem to want to lobby for position on the calendar next to Christmas & Easter, and see if there’s any merit to giving them this much attention:




FOODS: Depends on the food. For every “Donut Day”, there’s a “Hummus day”. for every “Ice Cream Day”, there’s a “Swiss Chard” day. For every “Pizza Day”, there’s a “Vegemite Day” (at least if you’re from Australia). I’ve got no problem with the days where we celebrate “Good” foods, or even some “Good for You” foods, but if it’s something that’ll make my gag reflex go into hyperspeed, you can have that day all to yourself.



INANIMATE OBJECTS: Remember the episode of “The Simpsons” where an inanimate carbon rod upstages Homer Not Once…but Twice? Well, it looks like all the other inanimate objects in the world got jealous and wanted a day of their own. In the video, I saw mentions of “National Nylon Stockings Day”, which is only of use to me if I become a cross-dresser. There was “National Odometer Day”, which is all fine and good except I don’t need a 6-digit number in my car to tell me that it’s old and falling apart. “National Piercing Day”; I have a hard enough time giving blood/getting shots. “National Pack Rat Day”; Ooh, I hope this means a 24-hour “Hoarders” marathon (seriously, A&E, the marketing writes itself)! I’m sure that without certain objects in the world, life would be a grim, hopeless death march, but seriously, what has… (*FLIPS TO RANDOM DAY*)…Dice done for me lately?



THE “SOCIAL CAUSES” BUNCH: These are some of your more “Downer” type of days that doesn’t involve memorializing others, yet should still be somehow “celebrated”. Days where you almost expect a random person to lecture you about certain things in the style of a PSA. For example, “Hepatitis Testing Day”–a noble thought, and certainly something to keep in the back of your mind for your own health and safety, but should you REALLY group that in with all the other “Fun” holidays? Same goes for “Wear a Lifejacket to Work Day”–unless your job happens to be a nautical one, why would you wear a lifejacket at a job or out in the street (Unless you want to say to your prospective mugger, “I’M OVER HERE!!!”). It’s nice to get the word out about certain social issues and other things that may seem important, but like many other “personal” things, there’s a time and a place for it…yelled loudly on the morning news isn’t one of those places.



THE “GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING” CROWD: Now this I actually have no objections with. Largely because I hail from a small town and am constantly looking for something to do in a much larger town on a daily basis. Why not get out there and make the most of your life instead of sitting around and reading blogs all day………….wait…….Anyway, they mention an “International Museum Day”, that sounds worthwhile (Depending on the Museum in question you go to–May I recommend either MoMA, the Met, the Guggenheim and the Paley Center among MANY others in Manhattan, The Franklin Institute and The Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, The Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto–which I only know about because Conan O’Brien & Scott Thompson made it look exciting–The Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI, which I thank Mo Rocca for plugging weekly on CBS) I could go on and on, but you get the point, museums are a great way to spend/kill a day. What else…(*WATCHES VIDEO*)…”National Ride Your Bike to Work Day”, Again, no issues here–especially if you live in a “Transit Town”. “National ‘Dance like a Chicken’ Day”…..Odd, but at least you’re doing something. I don’t care what you do, or what day you do it–as long as you have a good time, who am I to judge?



As you can see, there are plenty of “Days” to be had in a given year, and the aforementioned were JUST in the video alone. If you’d like to see more Actual “Holidays” that people wanted to add to the calendar, do yourself a favor and check out My major complaint is that most of the days in question tend to be a little too frivolous. I’m not saying it’s Wrong to celebrate “National Donut Day”, I just find it (and all the other holidays I mentioned…except for the “Social” ones) a little silly…especially when there are far more important things to worry about in this wearying world. Then again, sometimes “Silly” just works…and on that note, I’d like to end “National Donut Day” with a reminder that it’s “Time to Make the Donuts… (and go to a museum too while you’re at it)”


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