Master Debaters Round 1.5 – The Battle of the Blands

The Vice Presidential Debate (with VERY few exceptions) is typically the political equivalent of an Exhibition Game…for a Minor League team. Yes, the players are somewhat important, but unless they have some sort of personality, or they wind up saying something that will live on in political infamy, the event is usually skipped by many. (Un)fortunately for this night, there doesn’t seem to be a chance of either of those things happening, as the two VP-to-be’s facing off are probably two of the dullest dullards I’ve ever seen in American Politics—and considering we just dealt with Mitt Romney 4 years ago, that’s saying a LOT. Nevertheless, I am going to make a concerted effort to stay awake and pay attention to what Vanilla & Vanilla Bean have to say (I’ll leave it to you to figure out who’s who)—so much of an effort that I took the unprecedented move to drink one cup of black coffee each hour from 6PM onward. So as of the beginning of this “Live” blog, it’s 8:30PM on the East Coast, I have had 3 cups…that should be enough without going into some sort of Cardiac shock. I will try to chime in as much as I can, but since it’s a VP debate, I’m not getting my hopes up—and neither should you. Besides, since Kaine speaks fluent Spanish, I’m just going to pre-predict he will win the debate, largely because Pence’s running mate wants to kick Spanish speaking people out of the country, Pence will probably experience a 404 Error upon hearing a foreign language. The show starts at 9, I’ll see ‘ya in a minute………





8:54 PM – OK, Let’s begin. I’m staying away from Facebook this time around—too much influence. I’m gonna go with CBSN on the CBS News website this time around. They’re not Liberal like NBC, not Conservative like Fox, and not using Wacky Slime vision like Nickelodeon. Elaine Quijano taking the reins tonight as Moderator…Probably because Gwen Ifill has learned to stay as Far away from shitstorms as possible.


8:58 – I also see there’s a Twitter feed on CBSN, If I see anything funny, you’ll see it.


9:00 – And sure enough, the feed craps out…Stand by…


9:01 – And we’re Back…Nice Zing from Scott Pelley—the loser will be the answer to a Trivia Question.


9:02 – This debate is taking place in FARMVILLE, VA…This Truly IS a “Social Media Election”.


9:04 – And, here we go…Never before has such Blandness been on display!


9:07 – Kaine speaks……….and I’m Bored Already.


9:08 – Pence Speaks………and I’m bored…er. Also, this is the 2nd debate in a row where the Republican is wearing Blue and the Democrat is wearing Red…Looks like Vox is feeling nervous/discredited right about now.


9:11 – Kaine (at least) sounds like he has some sort of passion in him—Especially when it comes to his son’s deployment.


9:12 – Pence is given the herculean task of defending Donald Trump & his temperament…his voice sounds like verbal morphine.


9:14 – I am NOT going to repeat any of Trump’s Live tweets…I’ll NEVER get anything done if I do that AND cover the debate.


9:15 – Sure enough, Pence doesn’t answer the question about temperament and throws in his HRC digs.


9:16 – Already, Elaine Q is having a tough time refereeing…against the two whitest & otherwise non-threatening people I’ve ever seen.


9:18 – Here’s a few Tweets; “Pence wants to talk about Clinton, Kaine wants to talk about Trump”—Nicholas Kristoff, “You ARE Donald Trump’s Apprentice” – James Hohmann


9:19 – Economy…Apparently, according to Pence, waiving a magic Wand will help lower the National Debt. Kaine actually sounds like the plan to add jobs is a little more detailed.


9:21 – Mike Pence is against raising the (say it with me now) MINIMUM WAGE……H’YAHH!


9:22 – CBS telling me to watch CBSN on my XBOX & Playstation seems like some sort of violation of the Generation gap, but I can’t quite put my finger on why.


9:23 – Pence sounds like he’s supposed to sell me Werther’s original candies.


9:24 – Another Tweet: “So, Mike Pence Gonna Blow Straight Past that Tax Return Question?”—Pete Schroeder


9:25 – FINALLY, Some Crowd control from Elaine Q!


9:26 – “I wanna make this Very Plain…”—Tim Kaine…UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR!


9:27 – Another Tweet: “He will release Tax Returns when the Audit is over…and when OJ finds the REAL Killers”—Michael Smerconish.


9:28 – Onto the Cops…Kaine playing the “Tragedy” card vis a vis Police/Gun Control, but still effective.


9:31 – Hey! They Agree on Something (Community Policing). Honestly have nothing to criticize about on both candidate’s counts, there’s no wrong answer from either of them here. Moving on…


9:34 – Whoops, never mind.


9:36 – Pence now sounds like verbal Dramamine (*YAWN*)


9:37 – “Kaine has Pence Rattled on race and policing, goading him into saying something more blatantly racist” – Sarah Kendzior.


9:39 – Here we go, Immigration…Pence pretty much saying what we already know (Wall, Security, Wall, Policing, Wall, Background Checking, Wall, Wall, Wall)


9:40 – More Stuff we’ve already heard (“Deplorables” and such)


9:42 – At the end of the day, Kaine is Sane & Pence is Dense when it comes to immigration.


9:43 – Having a hard time keeping my eyes open all of a sudden…


9:46 – Terrorism…apparently Pence thinks Kaine is a Borscht Belt Comedian.


9:49 – It’s at this point that I’m starting to feel some sort of fatigue…it is also at this point where I’m just remembering that drinking successive cups of coffee in a row actually makes me feel LESS alert in the long term……


9:52 – Yep…..This can’t be good……..Trying to stay awake…….These guys are not making things easy……


9:54 – Must….stay…………awake……….must………..listen………….to…………what………..dull…………..people………….have…………….to say…………..


9:56 – (*THUD*)0 ujmjukiuy65rf sdfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrtdssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


1:15 AM – (*WAKES UP*)………Crap, I missed the rest. Fortunately, thanks to what the other news people are saying, it looks like I didn’t miss much. Kaine is trying to impress the Latino Voters (among other minorities), Pence is a Silently Raging Homophobe, and nothing of value was lost/gained. I WILL give both of them credit for one thing, at least the two discussed actual issues in a seemingly rational way instead of it being a verbal slap fight. At the end of the day though, Pence is more Artificial Vanilla Flavoring while Kaine looks to be the more flavorful Vanilla Bean. Hopefully, this helps somehow


Hurricane permitting, I will be LIVE-BLOGGING the 2nd Presidental Debate This Sunday. What you just read was actually a half-experiment/half-dramatization of how the Actual Live Blog process is going to go w/The timestamps and such. I was sort of telegraphing my boredom, but at the same time, I had to cut the coverage short due to getting to my bus on time. Since the Next debate will be on a Weekend and I’ll have access to a Television, there will be No excuses Next time.


We’ll see you on Sunday in St. Louis for “Word War II.”





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