Master Debaters – Round 2: Something Screwy in St. Louie

8:30 PM: We are LIVE (or something like that) with the 2nd Presidential Debate. Before we get to anything else, a couple ground rules. First, this is the first time I have Ever Live-Blogged ANYTHING in my life, so to the 3 or 4 of you who are actually reading this, the first rule of tonight is that you Bear With Me. Rule 2: in an effort to make sure I either don’t miss a key point or two, I’m not going to update every single minute like the professionals do; rather, I’m going to update the page in 5 to 10 minute intervals. Believe me, there’s going to be a LOT of chatter to keep track of tonight, it’ll be a miracle to get it all in one fell swoop—this just makes it easier to catch a breather. The “Live” portion of the blog will conclude with a final summary, then the title of this Blog is going to change—that’s how you’ll know we’re done. Tonight, since I’m at home and I want to keep my computer from crashing, I will be watching the debate on Television this time. I will be watching NBC’s coverage on their digital sub-channel “Cozi TV” (Because the REAL NBC is airing a Football game), NOT because of any political bias, but because I watch most conventional television either via Netflix, Hulu or an Antenna—and where I live, my local NBC affiliate is the ONLY channel I have that comes in without a signal distortion.

 

With all of that out of the way……Jesus Christ, does Donald Trump have some ‘splainin to do. Ever since his “Locker Room Banter” tape got leaked, there had to have been more damage control to do since Coca Cola changed its recipe. On the flipside of the coin, “Prime Minister of Wikileaks” Julian Assange released information about various Hillary Clinton speeches that tend to be—shall we say—a little too “Favorable” towards certain International Trade & Wall Street companies. Depending on who you’re rooting for, both scandals may cancel each other out in the long run; but given how much P***y grabbing there is going on, I think we all know which story is gonna get swept under the rug. Hopefully neither of these Scandals du Jour become the primary focus as we watch CNN Anchor and “Parallel Universe Mike Pence” Anderson Cooper take the reins as Moderator. And since this is a town hall style of debate and the people asking the questions are undecided voters, I certainly hope that at least one of them asks a question that could make either candidates brain explode in confusion…We’ll see you in 30 minutes…

 

 

9:00: As we begin, it looks like “Reaction Tweets” are standard on ALL the channels now, so if I come across any that look/sound amusing, I’ll put ‘em up. I see, Trump is digging up some of Bill’s skeletons in the closet–a reminder that 2 terms is the Maximum amount of terms a person can be president; This election is NOT about Bill.

 

9:03: Hillary, Trump, Bill, Trump’s family and Alleged Mistresses in the Audience…And Jerry Springer wasn’t asked to moderate Why?

 

9:04: Cooper & Raddatz tries to explain (in vain) the rules.

 

9:05: Candidates take the Stage—The Democrat is wearing Blue, Republican wearing Red…That’s probably the most “Normal” thing about tonight. “Are the candidates being a positive role models for Kids?” Depends on who you ask, but on the whole, we can do a little better than this.

 

9:06: Hillary is calm & rational in her response…she wants to heal us…but then again a tube of Neosporin can do a better job…

 

9:08: Trump is unusually subdued…he almost sounds like he’s on Vicodin…He’s sniffing again…

 

9:10: It’s “P***ytape” time! And Trump is stepping sideways about it. No denial, no apologies either…Sure enough, we go from that to ISIS (Great Segue).

 

9:12: Clinton responds; saying Trump is Unfit to lead & the slow trickle that follows…Despite some good points, she’s Using Miss Universe ’96 as a crutch again…So far, Clinton seems to be the voice of reason.

 

9:15: “It’s Just Words”…and he should know, because he has the BEST words. Trump is now listing all the things that Clinton did wrong as a Senator & Sec. of State…Raddatz tells Trump to Shut Up.

 

9:16: Next Question – “When did the Campaign Change Trump? (Including the “P***tape”). Trump certainly sound like he wants to move on, and NOW comes the Bubba slams (Boy, he looks pissed). Apples & Oranges, but WOW is this a dirty trick to play. The crowd applauds that.

 

9:19: Clinton continues to try to be a voice of reason, “When you go Low, you go High” (Bigger applause). You may not see it, but she’s seething…Playing the Race/Non-apology card, and rightfully so…

 

9:21: Trump says Clinton should apologize to one of her Campaign aides, Then talks about some negative ads and Wikileaks, Then claims that Bernie Sanders should’ve won (*SIGH* Sadly, I agree with that). Then the e-mails again…and now he’s gonna threaten to investigate the E-mails Yet again (Maybe Kenneth Starr can come out of Retirement).

 

9:24: Hillary pimps her website, Millions of people will fact check…I wish I had the tenacity to do so…and Seriously, Anderson (or Martha), lay the hammer down!

 

9:25: Clinton continues to say she’s sorry, and we continue to hear her say she’s sorry. Can we get to an ACTUAL Issue?

 

9:26: Trump says she “didn’t know what the letter ‘C’ meant”…of course we ALL know that “C is for Cookie (That’s good enough for me)”.

 

9:27: Trump bringing up the Clinton/Lynch meeting…Bubba is currently looking for a Folding chair to whack over Trump’s head.

 

9:28: Healthcare Question…Trump says “He’s a Gentleman”; and I’m a Size 4.

 

9:30: Trump wants to repeal Obamacare, Clinton wants to improve it, and the world keeps going round.

 

9:32: If Trump calls what he wants to replace Obamacare with “Trumpcare”, Forget Canada, I’m moving to Israel—It’s safer there.

 

9:34: Clinton tries to defend Bubba calling Obamacare “Crazy”…

 

9:36: Trump calling O-Care “A Big Lie”…I honestly don’t know where to begin…

 

9:37: Muslim Question – Trump is still sticking to the high intensity screening processes, and also that people “need to report” what they see. OK, but what if they’re NOT Muslim? Also, we’ve already went through the “Say the name” BS before—This isn’t a “Destiny’s Child” video.

 

9:39: Hillary wants an America where “Everyone has a place” without devolving into demagoguery…It’s not Easy, but I hear ‘ya.

 

9:41: Trump getting called out on the “Shutdown of Muslims” comment; Trump trying to do to Cpt. Khan what Richard Nixon tried to do for Duff Beer:

…But I digress.

 

9:43: While we’re waiting for Trump to stop acting as a Space heater, it looks like NBC is NOT using a Twitter tracker, so to hell with that.

 

9:44: Hillary wants tough vetting when it comes to the refugees, but not towards religions. Also, if you notice—Trump keeps standing when it’s not his turn, while Hillary sits comfortably.

 

9:46: Trump is painting Clinton as the Anti-Statue of Liberty (“Give me your Murders, Rapists, Druglords, etc…”). Boarder Patrol agents and whatever the hell “ICE” is just endorsed him…good for them.

 

9:47: On to a Wikileaks question; The Only Politician who can be Two-Faced is Harvey Dent…Which makes Trump “The Joker”. Look, I liked the Spielberg “Lincoln” too, but using a movie to compare national or foreign policy is a precarious thing to do…Especially since the subject of the movie is actually a likable person.

 

9:49: Wikileaks + Russians = Election Rigging (supposedly)

 

9:50: Again with the Tax returns…anyway, Having visited “The Old Post Office” when I was in 8th Grade, I remember it being a beautiful facility…lord knows what Trump did to “Improve” it.

 

9:52: Tax Question – Donald Trump tells us how he massages his taxes in just a few easy, convoluted words and how he wishes Clinton did the same.

 

9:54: Trump lowers, Clinton to Raise…I’m not gonna lie, I’d like to pay lower taxes.

 

9:55: Clinton: Wealthy gets the biggest cuts while the 99% will become the 99.999999999999999%. Clinton only wants to raise taxes on the Rich ($250K and Above is considered “Rich”, BTW). Trump is Squirming over hearing Warren Buffet’s name…probably because Buffet has actual money.

 

9:57: Trump (sort of) admits his tax to-do’s…I gotta look up what the “Carried Interest” provision is.

 

9:59: Trump: “I Love Depreciation”…then you must LOVE declining campaigns…Also, LEAVE BERNIE OUT OF THIS!!!

 

10:00: Clinton is now summing up her record…mostly helping people (To which the Republicans say “How Dare She Help People!”). You don’t need to thank New York, they’re GONNA vote for you–even if you kick a puppy, New York is gonna vote for you.

 

10:02: Syria – Arguably a tough issue, even if you know what you’re doing…Lot to digest here…Let’s just say “Tread Lightly”.

 

10:06: “Russia is NEW When it comes to Nuclear”? HELLO! COLD WAR?! FAIL-SAFE?! DR. STRANGELOVE?!?! Further ripping on the Iran deal (another thing I honestly don’t know a thing about). So…Iran, Russia & Syria are killing ISIS because of OUR weak Policies? Sounds like they’re doing us a favor!

 

10:08: Trump going in for the Kill (pardon the Pun) on Aleppo.

 

10:10: And he’s STILL Going…endorsing the sneak attack method.

 

10:12: Hillary, there’s only so much calm you can be. I actually wouldn’t mind if you got ANGRY about some stuff as well.

 

10:13: Trump BS’ing about his time limits.

 

10:14: “Can you be a Devoted Leader?” Trump says he’ll be a president for ALL of our people…I think some guy named Adolf said that once. Bringing up TPP again, the inner-cities, poverty, education, disaster, disaster, disaster, blah, blah, blah…

 

10:16: Yes, we get it, New York mildly tolerates you, Hillary…Having said that, she’s still more rational than Trump right about now.

 

10:18: We have now reached out “Think of the Children” portion of the debate…and then Cooper shuts her off with the “Deplorable” reminder.

 

10:19: At the rate BOTH candidates are name-dropping Bernie Sanders, I half-expect Larry David to Cameo next week on SNL.

 

10:20: Trump: “Hillary Has Tremendous Hatred in her Heart”…Oh, It’s ON Now!

 

10:21: Alicia Machado & Benghazi in the same breath…what side of the mirror am I on?

 

10:22: Clinton reminding us of the REAL America that most of us want to “Make Great Again”.

 

10:23: (*SIGH*) I had such High hopes for Cooper & Raddatz…then again, they too are faced with an impossible task.

 

10:24: Supreme Court – Somewhere in his home, Merrick Garland is watching this while wearing a shirt saying “Waiting is the Hardest Part”

 

10:26: Trump has Picked 20 Judges to fill the spot…he will decided who gets the seat through a Judicial Beauty competition.

 

10:28: Aw, isn’t that cute? Trump thinks he has Money, so precious!

 

10:29: Final Question: Energy – Trump thinks Solar Power is the tool of the Devil while invoking the myth of Clean Coal. Meanwhile, I have a nagging feeling Bobby Moynihan is gonna play “Kenneth Bone” in the future.

 

10:31: The EPA also shuts down Ghost Hunting businesses, what’s your point?

 

10:32: Climate Change IS a serious problem…unless you’re Exxon/Mobil.

 

10:33: “One Positive thing that you Respect in One Another”? And BOOM Goes the Dynamite–well done, Karl. Clinton Respects Trumps Children?! Have you SEEN or READ a Stephen King Novel? They’re the “Children of the Shining’s Dead Zone Corn……….Maximum Overdrive”!

 

10:35: Dude doesn’t even know what a Compliment is…That’s right, she Doesn’t Quit…which will probably be the case when she runs again in 2020.

 

10:36: How about that, the Debate actually had a Happy Ending.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS: A Pit of Snakes would’ve been terrified by the Venom that was spewed tonight. Quite honestly, I was hoping to keep things neutral—but Trump just makes it so Damn Hard to accomplish that. Clinton certainly held her own; but like I said, perhaps she was a little Too calm. I mean, I’ve heard of Ice Water in one’s veins, but even Ben Carson would look at her and think “Mercy Me, I’ve got the Vapors”. The moderating—once again—was, at times, a futile effort. Which is a shame because I like Anderson Cooper, and he usually knows how to dig deep whenever there’s BS all about; But it was Raddatz who laid the hammer down during most of the time, while Cooper acted like the “Strong & Silent Type” in comparison. This, unfortunately, led to more whining from Trump that he didn’t get enough time while Hillary kept going, and going, and going, and going. The questions that the audience asked was your standard issue fare…The Answers most certainly were not—Hell, half the time the questions were answered either in a roundabout way, or completely out of the way altogether. And the few times there WERE direct answers to the questions, that’s where we got to see the bulk of the Venom. But that’s not ALL the Venom we were subjected to—I honestly expected chants of JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! When the subject of Clinton’s ex-mistresses came up, as well as some unrelated times when the audience hooted and hollered as though they were part of the audience of a 1990s Fox sitcom…Kind of reminds me of what Larry King once said on “The Simpsons”:

“Now, a word to our audience: even though we’re being broadcast on…Fox, there’s no need for obnoxious hooting and hollering. [audience hoots and hollers anyway]”

I’m guessing they shoehorned in that last question about the candidates trying to come up with ONE good thing about each other simply because we needed to get back to some semblance of sanity before we all had to go back to work tomorrow morning—and for the most part, it worked…sort of. I mean, really, Clinton likes Trump’s Kids? That’s like Jackson Pollock liking the notion of painting inside the lines. Trump saying Clinton is not a Quitter might actually be the One and ONLY time this election that we’ve actually seen some microscopically thin shred of human dignity from him. Otherwise, this was a tough one to sit through, and a lot of us are going to need something to get the bad taste of tonight out of our mouths………Does Anybody have a Tic Tac?

 

Next Debate is October 19th; and since it’s a work night for me, expect this next one to be more extemporaneous. Good Night, and………Oy!

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